How to be All of These?

Intersectionality is a natural part of people's lives, and it is especially prominent when some elements of your identity are in conflict with each other or if external expectations related to your identity are conflicting. I don't think Star Trek influenced by experience, while many other things have, but at the same time I have always been conscious of the covering of this topic across the various series and films. At the same time, I think that some of my identities had a major impact on my public life as well as my beliefs and values. Coming from a European Jewish family I think I am pre-determined to be inclusive. However, the most important elements of my identity have often also been a source of conflict, in ways that are not too obvious.

I had the least number of conflicts or problems, surprisingly, raising from the fact that I am Jewish. At the same time, you are constantly aware of the dangers of growing anti-Semitism and also that it may change any minute. Intergenerational trauma is at play for all of us whose parents and grandparents were Holocaust victims or survivors.

A much richer basis for conflict has been my being a woman, and I am usually in conflict with religious feminists and equality preachers. First of all, I never personally experienced any disadvantage of being a woman. I've always had equal pay. I never felt that objects, services or the whole world is constructed for men as some think.  I have no personal experience of not being treated according to your merits just because your are a woman. On the contrary, I've always felt that I am treated better and more politely as a woman, and I don't even mind if a man offers to carry my heavy bag or opens a door for me. At the same time, I also believe that women should have a real choice in all respects, and since I also believe that is should be true for a decision to go to work or stay at home, I am too far from mainstream, especially European mainstream where they want to push all women to join the labour market. While I am a working woman and in my family this has been the case for women for generations, I can fully support those who decide to dedicate themselves to care and bringing up children.

Another major source of conflict is my being Hungarian and European at the same time. On the one hand, I cannot identify with many typical aspects of a "Hungarian" identity, especially not those related to politics. On the other hand, I have a strong Hungarian cultural identity that politics often try to take away from me and those thinking along the same lines. While I never had any disadvantage at getting a job being a woman, I indeed was scrutinised suspiciously for being Hungarian. In Western Europe there is some bad experience with Hungarians being lazy and trying to find excuses instead of delivering, so I had to fight for being accepted in my European work family.

Lately, it is also not easy to be a liberal European seeing how easily people are giving up all their rights. It is a major internal conflict to still support the idea of a demacratic Europe seeing that our governments are all playing from the script of China.

The most surprising difficulties are strongly linked to my professional affiliation. Being a parent and an expert on issues related to parents go very smoothly together. I think you should not specialise in this field if you don't have at least some parenting experience. But being accepted professionally is a totally different question. Representing parents as stakeholders at a discussion table means that you have to be much-much better prepared professionally than any of your table mates to be accepted. And to prove that you are not dumb "as all parents" are, you must go much further than any professional. This identity challenge has even taken me to acquiring a doctorate in the field at 50.